Be the Kind of Man You Want Your Daughter to Marry Pt.1

[Reading Time: 6 minutes]

In my quest to grow as a father, I saw shortcomings I wanted to address. The best way to do so is to learn from fathers who have already been down the path I'm traveling. So, I asked a few fathers (Dave, Steve, Jimm, and Ron) I've known and respected to respond to the following statements.

1. Describe something you did or are doing that you feel sets a good example of the kind of godly man you want[ed] your daughter to marry.
2. "As a father, one of the mistakes I made in trying to be the kind of man I wanted/would want my daughter to marry is… And my advice to fathers would be…."
3. "As a father, in striving to be the kind of man I wanted/would want my daughter to marry, one of the greatest lessons I've learned is.…"

Their responses were very insightful and rich! So what I first intended to be a few posts is turning out to be many more as I'll go deep into the responses to share some insights that I hope will help all of us as fathers to be the kind of men we would like our daughters to marry.

In reviewing the responses, all the fathers had several themes in common. But the one at their core was this: the importance of their daily walk with the LORD. The daily walk with God was relevant to all three questions I asked. Sometimes this was a matter of their daughters seeing them spend time with Him. Other times their daily walk with God was manifested in how they parented their daughters.

So I'll break up the fathers' responses into two sections:

1. Fatherhood: Faith in Progress
2. Fatherhood: Faith in Action

Responses

Fatherhood: Faith in Progress

Our daily time with God is part of our journey as Christian men. None of us has "arrived;" our faith is in progress. And our daughters need to see us working on our faith in Him daily. The fathers I interviewed shared that their daughters needed a daily glimpse of them seeking God through daily personal devotionals – reading the Bible, praying, and sharing what they are learning with them and the family.

"She knew I was having daily times with God, and I would often share what I was learning with her."

"We had family devotionals weekly so our kids could get to know God but also see how a man of God leads his family."

– Steve

The thing she has brought up on numerous occasions is having my quiet time each morning. She has said that whenever she would get up, she would always see me in my spot with my coffee, reading and praying. This wasn't done on purpose; as an example, it's just what I need to get the day started...."

– Ron

"I'm up early in the morning, having quiet time, praying, and reading my Bible to connect with GOD. I'm praying and asking Him for guidance and direction in areas I'm falling short in and going after those areas to give me strength to continue forming my character."

"I would also share a very encouraging scripture that I thought would be great food for her spirit."

– Jimm

Fatherhood: Faith in Action

After our daughters have seen our "Faith In Progress" in the morning, real life happens for the rest of the day – when the chinks in our armor get exposed. And at times, it's when our daughters experience how our faith in God translates into the unconditional love they truly desire from us. Here, dads share how their faith (or lack thereof) showed itself in action:

"I was more of a 'snow plow parent' than a 'helicopter parent'; I always tried to foresee bad things coming their way and move them out of their path. I need to continue to learn to go first to God in prayer and trust in him rather than in things I can "do" to try and protect my girls. God has always been there for them, and my worrying hasn't added an iota of value."

– Dave

"Choose faith over fear. I made too many decisions for fear of what might happen vs. enjoying the moment and providing gentle instruction at the time when needed."

– Steve

So, we can see that at the core of parenting our daughters is our daily walk with God – whether in Faith in Progress or Faith in Action.

Insights

Fatherhood: Faith in Progress

From the responses the fathers share with us, there are many insights we can glean from them. I’ll share some insights that stand out to me.

Steve: "I would often share what I was learning with her."

My Thoughts:
We often hear it said, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Although this may be true for most of the world, it is not valid for the man in Christ. As fathers, we will fall short every day. But as our daughters see that we are continuing to learn, it can give them hope that the dad they woke up to today will not be the same in the years to come. They need to see a man learning daily to become more like Christ. This is the kind of man we would like for them to marry.

Insight:
A teachable heart is crucial to being the kind of man we want our daughters to marry.

Passages to Meditate on:

1. Second Corinthians 5:17
2. First Timothy 4:15-16
3. Matthew 18:3

Ron:  "...she would always see me in my spot with my coffee, reading and praying."

My Thoughts:
Our daily spiritual routines matter. We want our girls to be used to seeing the man in their life have an active walk with God. Not only will this help them in their walk, but it'll also be on their minds when they watch the men in their lives.

Insight:
A consistent spiritual routine is crucial to being the kind of man we would like our daughters to marry.

Passages to Meditate on:

1. Mark 1:13
2. Acts 3:1
3. Daniel 6:10

Jimm:  “I’m praying and asking Him for guidance and direction….”

My Thoughts:
When I was in the Marine Corps., we had a document called the “Plan of the Day.” The purpose was to get all Marines on the same page with the direction of the leadership. When we spend time in the morning seeking guidance from God, the Holy Spirit can guide and direct us in the way we need to go (including helping us in our shortcomings) to love and lead our daughters. There have been countless times in my morning (and night) prayer times when God has opened my eyes to my daughter's needs that I would not have seen otherwise.

Insight:
Seeking daily guidance and direction from the Holy Spirit is a key ingredient to being the kind of man we would like our daughters to marry.

Passages to Meditate on:

1. Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Luke 6:12-13
3. Psalm 23:1-3

Fatherhood: Faith in Action

Dave: “I need to continue to learn….”

My Thoughts:
Dave has done many devotionals at church for parents for many years, that have helped me immensely. He has always been a great role model as a father. So to hear him express that he's still a work in progress shows me his humility and inspires me always to strive to grow in my devotion to God and in my role as a Father.

Insight:
Humility is a key ingredient to being the kind of man we would like our daughters to marry.

Passages to Meditate on:

1. Philippians 2:1-11
2. Matthew 11:29
3. First Peter 5:5-6

Steve: “I made too many decisions for fear of what might happen vs. enjoying the moment….”

My Thoughts:
Our faith in God allows us to enjoy the moment. When we feel secure, we can let loose and embrace the gifts God is blessing us with in real-time. When I feel insecure, I have my guard up, and my fists clenched, so to speak, ready for battle. In these moments, I miss the blessings of my relationship with my daughter.

Insight:
Our moment-by-moment faith in God is vital to being the kind of man we would like our daughters to marry.

Passages to Meditate on:

1. Hebrews 11:1
2. Second Corinthians 5:7
3. Luke 7:9

In Conclusion

As fathers, we want the very best for our daughters. We want them to marry men who will love them as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-33). We need to model this for them the best we can. We all fall short in many ways. But hopefully, some of what these men have shared will help us walk with God more intentionally, empowering us to grow to become more like Christ continuously.

In the comments below, feel free to share what insight you gain from what these fathers have shared or any experiences you have that can help us dads!

Please share this post!